Hello,

Hi,

Well, I’ve stopped working on here as much now, because I’ve realised 1: people can easily steal ideas and 2: Most competitions dislike prepublished work (even on a rarely visited website).

A lot has happened. I’ve talked to my parents more honestly about me, and they have been honest about eachother. I get the feeling they may split up, but all I want is for them to be happy. I was sad when I was told, because I don’t know if both sides can be happy. I was also surprised. I guess I am not the most observant of others emotions unless I am actively searching for them. At least everything is out in the open at home. I feel much better now the truth about me is in the open, but I worry what happens to people like me. It isn’t like anything is wrong with me, but where I am schooled (don’t get me wrong I love it here), I feel it isn’t accepted as much as other places and I am scared if it is opened to the world the way I will be treated.

I get the feeling people already know. I almost said it when I was younger and then the rumours started and I wasn’t even sure of it and I was very emotional. It is hard constantly being surrounded by people, the only time when I am alone is when I am taking a shower, or on the toilet. Even then, there is always someone in the room. Not even when I sleep.

People can probably guess my secret, my appearance and the recent character emotions, but I don’t feel prepared to tell many people.

I befriended someone at a debating MUN (Model United Nations) gathering: a complete stranger. I managed to talk to them openly about it, so why do I struggle at school? Why did I struggle at home, they know now, and I feel  much more comfortable. I think I just need someone to talk to. Someone out of the blue, I’ll never meet and doesn’t know anyone I know. Someone who won’t black mail me or threaten me, but someone I can be open with. Then again, who knows who is sitting behind the messages?

I thought I had someone I could talk to face to face, but they changed. I miss their company. I really do, and I had hope of a second chance, but I lost it.

I’ll just have to wait until adult hood. Then I am free. But that freedom scares me, I can feel the edge of school getting closer and closer and it terrifies me. Life itself scares me. The unknown and unpredictability of it all.

Farewell for now,

Abi

 

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Author: aworldofyourown

I am a 15 year old, aspiring author, who just wishes to get help on how to improve my writing. Feel free to comment assistance on how to improve my work!

2 thoughts on “Hello,”

  1. Separation / divorce is tough and hard for everyone involved. The insecurity, and lack of confidence that can that can lead to, is not funny. Life is an adventure to be enjoyed, not to be afraid of. The unpredictability of life and not knowing what’s going to happen, that’s half the fun. The new people your going to meet, the places your going to travel, the jobs your going to have, and the fun.
    Maybe you could look at ways of building your confidence. Absolutely continue your writing, for which I believe you have a gift for. Experiences such as this will certainly give you material in your future writing. Do what makes you feel good, within reason, of course. Whatever that may be. That can certainly help your sense of well being and enjoyment, and self esteem.
    When I need to build my confidence I think of something I am maybe a bit uncomfortable about, for example, travelling in a plane, going up on the highest or fastest ride at the funfair, or chatting up that girl I may fancy. These situations will all bring the familiar feelings of fear. I find it helpful to label such a situation not fearful, but rather as exciting, as they both generate similar feelings, but it’s how I percieve and label a situation mentally, allows me to deal with it, usually.
    An example that may resonate with yourself. I used to be fearful reading out my work at writing groups, fearful of criticism, of others being bored and not interested in what I had written, of not being good enough. Other group members being better writers then what I am, more eloquent with a more impressive vocabulary. The way I look at it now, I view it as a great opportunity to show off my writing, because I’m proud of what I write, most of the time, and I want everybody to know about it. Whether they like it or not, it matters little. You may be familiar with this quote,

    ” The Beautiful Thing About Fear Is, When You Run to It, It Runs Away “, and I find it true a lot of the time.
    On building confidence : Try new experiences, a new restaurant, a new city. A different leisure center. You would have to scale it to your age, of course. A totally different pastime, with others, that you’ve never tried before. Steeping out of your comfort zone, the familiar, will build confidence. Scary at first, but certainly doable. But others are also afraid in such situations. Don’t think about it too much, just do it, get stuck in. Just do it, think later. Something new.
    Maybe have a look at this : https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/home-families/family-relationships/divorce-separation (Phone. 0800 1111)
    Good links on that, and many such resources online.

    Wishing you well.

    Like

  2. Ive always felt that way. But i wasnt as brave as you when the inevitable came. I bottled it in with other problems i had. So that moment when they told me was the beggining of depression. Things went downhill from there with anxeity and fear and i try to put on the weird and energertic persona of myself. Things kept getting worse and worse and i had no one to talk to. So i went online for comfort and then even more stuff went to Hell. I guess i still fill that now. What im saying is that im proud of how brave you are and that i shall try to think like how you think

    Like

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